Blog address has moved to whatinreallife@wordpress.com!

Hello All,

I have switched the location of my blog, so check out future postings at whatinreallife@wordpress.com. See you!

Amy

Swinging and Falling?

by Amy Rasmussen (copyright, 2009)

This morning, I caught myself having a conversation, about my love life, with the dog. It probably sounds strange, but Elli is a fantastic listener, and has yet to offer any unsolicited advice such as, “You should get married.”

The couple of times people have said that, I have contemplated saying, “What a brilliant idea! Why didn’t I think of that?” But since I like to avoid conflict, I have responded politely, “Getting married would be nice.” I have also stopped myself from asking another question that could lead to conflict: “But to whom?” I have found it best to avoid any comments that could get them thinking about “fixing me” up with someone, which has never gone as planned.

What gets me is that married people generally feel sorry for single people. One woman, without knowing me very well, patted my arm with sympathetic eyes, “Don’t worry, you’ll meet someone…”
And then it felt as if I ought to comfort her. And I wondered why being single is treated by so many like a disease.

It’s not that I prefer being single. The fact of the matter is that few spiritually grounded, emotionally healthy, employed, reciprocity-minded fish swim in the thirty-something dating pond. So while it is good and fine for people to say, “You should get married,” I think that an equivalent statement might be, “You should join Cirque du Soleil.” No doubt, I could sign up for a trapeze class or Match.Com. I could devote hours to swinging through the air and falling on a net.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not opposed to Internet dating. Good friends have met good life partners online. And I think that one is probably as likely to meet a nice stranger online as a nice stranger in a church.
Also, I actually tried Internet dating, and, for whatever reasons, the men who approached me seemed to need a pastor more than a girlfriend. Here’s what I mean—One man who responded to my profile wanted to find a Proverbs 31 woman. Staring at his photo, I resisted the urge to say that the Proverbs 31 woman was actually a metaphor for wisdom and not a real person (correcting him upon first meeting seemed inappropriate). I also did not mention praising God that no woman has ever been that perfect! Reflecting on my flaws, I knew that I could never measure up to what he wanted, and so I moved onto other messages.

Another man, whose profile was a smiley face, because he had not included a photo, expressed wanting to find a “converted Victoria’s Secret model.” Pondering the wish, all I could think was, “That’s it? That’s all you want?” I didn’t fault him for wanting an attractive spouse. I just wondered what they would have in common after her chest needed a special bra to keep it from drooping past her ankles later in life.

*More to Come…